Did you know that...

You can donate your eggs? Apparently, it's just like the girl version of donating your eggs. Facebook just put an advertisement on my page for one such donation place. Now, I knew there were sperm donors. I knew that you could be a surrogate, carrying someone else's child for them (baby mama would be a good example of this... funny movie by the way). I knew you could get your own eggs harvested and saved for later (or to do IVF), so I guess it makes sense that you could donate your eggs too. And I have to admit, the principle behind it is a really good one. If you're healthy and young and there is a couple out there who desperately wants a baby and can't have one of their own, why not donate your eggs? They could see who you are, and pick out exactly the kind of genes they want their baby to have. And if the fertilized egg takes (from I assume either the sperm of the male spouse or a donor from a sperm bank), then there you have it, a beautiful baby where the adoptive mother gets to experience what it's like to be pregnant and go through that whole process. She'll really feel like that baby's mother because she carried it for nine months and gave birth to it an everything. It sounds like a good idea, a kind and caring thing to do for someone. (Plus, as with sperm donation you get paid. Apparently the FDA recommends no more than $10,000).

But it's not for me. And here is why... I don't care that that woman carried my baby around for nine months. I don't care that she went through labor, or that she may (or may not have) paid thousands of dollars for he/she. The baby is still my child. That is still my son or daughter, the same way it would be if they had gone through an adoption agency. And the thought of a child of mine running around that I had never met, that some other woman had carried and given birth to, is unbearable. I have loved every single one of my eggs since I knew that I had them (and probably before that when I was old enough to know that one day I could have babies). You may think that's weird, but a couple of those eggs are going to get fertilized one day and grow into fetuses which will then become babies. So I will honestly be able to tell my children some day that I have loved them my whole life, and that I waited for 20 odd years for them to arrive. Giving away my eggs, even to a well deserving couple, feeling like I didn't really care about them after all. Like I'm saying, "Well, I wasn't using them anyway, might as well give them to someone who appreciates them." No, I love my non-existent children, and I want to be able to tell them that when they become actual people. I couldn't do that if I gave them away as eggs... never knowing what became of them... but knowing that one or more of them might be out there, wondering about me, wondering if I loved him or her, and I'd never be able to tell them that I did. That I loved them. Call me selfish, but the only one fertilizing my eggs is going to be my husband, and the only one carrying my kids is going to be me (unless for some reason I'm incapable of that, and then a surrogate might have to help me there), and I'm going to be able to tell each and every one of them how much I love them every day of their lives until they are so sick of it they're like "Mom, shut up, we know already!"

I think my internet is haunted....

I have the world's strangest wifi... Since it's been up and running (approximately august), it's stopped working at least four or five times. When the repair man comes, he says everything is working perfectly and he doesn't know why it's not working. But when my housemates son-in-law comes, he always fixes it. Usually what it means is that all my crops on Farmville die, and my fiance and I talk via phone instead of via skype. (I love skype by the way. Best thing I ever downloaded.)

Anywho, the last couple of days the internet has been acting stranger than usual. The signal cuts out randomly, and then will come back. Then it will do this five or ten times more. Then it won't do it for hours. And even weirder, right now, the internet won't load Facebook. It'll say loading, but it won't actually load it. It loads all the other websites I normally go to, but not Facebook. Oh and on Hulu, it'll load the website but when I go to watch an episode it says, unable to play video. I am very confused. All of this worked a couple of hours ago before I started cleaning my room. Now it's not working. And I have to wonder, internet why do you hate me? Why are you fritzy and bipolar and slightly psychotic? Why can't you just be nice and work properly? I really can't afford it if you decide to go off the deep end and I have to start replacing boxes. But seeing as the internet doesn't have ears, this will probably not happen. So I guess I'll just give Facebook another try and hope it works this time.

Living....

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

But to be honest, I'm going to be even more thankful and, frankly, overjoyed when I get my own place. Nine months and counting. I'm tired of feeling like a guest in the place that I live... I've felt that way for over 12 months now. I'm ready to have my own place, my own space, even if it's a tiny apartment, or a junky looking cabin. If it has a roof, good insulation to keep heating bills down, and a bedroom, living room, and kitchen... or even a kitchen/living room... that's all I need. I want my own place, with my own stuff, where I can lounge and spread out all I want to. Where I can keep things the way I like them, and have all the friends over that I want, whenever I want. I've been thankful for the last couple of homes God has provided for me. I've had a place to rest me head, and food in my belly. I haven't had to buy furniture... but I'm really looking forward to next year. To just me and my husband. Together, in our own space, inventing our own rules, with our (probably) junky furniture, and our own (probably) messy space. That'll be nice... that'll be really really nice. Until then...

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

Pumpkins Pumpkins Pumpkins!!!

The Holiday season is officially on us, and somewhere between the discount Halloween candy and the Christmas decorations is a much discounted seasonal perk. See, I'm usually a "lets just move straight onto Christmas" person the minute the costumes are put away and the stomach ache begins to subside. However, there is something about the month of November aka Thanksgiving season which makes it worth sticking out. And that is Pumpkin. Now I don't mean carved pumpkins with candles in them, or even pretty whole pumpkins that you set out on your porch to give a half-hearted attempt at spreading Thanksgiving cheer (whatever the heck that is.) I mean, pumpkin flavored FOODS: pumpkin breads, pumpkin cookies (with chocolate chips), pumpkin pie, pumpkin muffins, the always appropriate pumpkin pie, pumpkin pancakes, even pumpkin seeds. So when my future sister-in-law came over with a recipe for pumpkin cinnamon buns she stole from a magazine at the mechanics, I was pretty excited. Since we're driving to Anchorage on Saturday for girl's shopping day, we decided that we would make them Friday night and then eat them for breakfast on the way up. Needless to say I am very excited about tomorrow, about our first attempt at baking pumpkin buns, and about eating them on the way to ANCHORAGE!!!!!!!! I'll let you know how they turn out. I may even post the recipe if they turn out to be fantastically amazing. Here's to the holiday season and the sweet pumpkiney goodness it brings. Next stop... CHRISTMAS!!!