Money Money Money by ABBA

I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay,

Ain't it sad?
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me
That's too bad!
In my dreams I have a plan
If I got me a wealthy man
I wouldn't have to work at all, I'd fool around and have a ball

Money, Money, Money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world.
Money, Money, Money
Always Sunny
In the rich man's world.
Aha-Ahaaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich mans world.

A man like that is hard to find but I can't get him off my mind
Ain't it sad
And if he happens to be free I bet he wouldn't fancy me
Thats too bad
So I must leave, I'll have to go
To Las Vegas or Monaco
And win a fortune in a game, my life will never be the same...

Money, money, money,
Must be funny
In the rich man's world.
Money, money, money,
Always sunny
In the rich man's world.
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich mans world.

Money, money, money,
Must be funny
In the rich man's world.
Money, money, money,
Always sunny
In the rich man's world.
Aha-ahaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich mans world.

It's a rich mans world.

This is kind of my current theme song... minus the whole marry a rich man, because I like who I am marrying and I don't care that he is poor... but money is definitely driving me crazy...

Plan for Today

Well, work turned out to be a total bust, but thats alright. So instead of working all day, I have a new plan of action. I am going to use my surprising free time today to do the following:

1. Laundry (I'm out of undies, which is never a good thing, and so thats the sign that laundry needs to happen today)
2. Pick up my room (Laundry will help immensely with this, seeing as I seem to be incapable of using my hamper, this does not bode well for marriage because my fiance is just as hamper handicapped as I am, we will have to work hard at keeping our room from becoming a total disaster.)
3. Clean bathroom (Thanks to the obnoxiously hard water that comes out of the faucet, my bathroom is in desperate need of de-oranging, plus when I get back from Vacation I want to come home to a spotless bathroom, and this may be the only time between now and then that I will have the time to give it a good cleaning.)
4. Clean out shelf in Fridge (There really is nothing worth eating in there and I could use the space)
5. Clean out my car (Now there is a total disaster... I'm going through all the papers I have in the back and picking up any trash that I find laying around, and then I'm going to Vacuum it for good measure, and I may even pick up an car air freshener at Freddies today so my car smells fresh and I'm doing it all in the freezing cold, take that whiney CA friends! It's three degrees outside and you are whining about 49 degrees! If it was 49 degrees outside I'd be running around in my tennis shoes and a sweatshirt, instead of my parka and snow boots.)
6. Go Shopping (I need the following items... toilet paper, face wash, Curel Anti-Itch lotion must remember coupon, stocking stuffers for the Fiance, and possibly some breakfast and/or snack food)
7. Get Gas (I'm going to use all of my Freddie's points to save a ton of money on my car insurance... oh wait... I mean gas... I'm getting low anyway and I have to do a TON of driving over the next couple of days so I had best fill up now)
8. Go to bed at a reasonable time (I agreed to meet my future sister in law at 6:3o am tomorrow at KCHS to go swimming in the pool for excerise, which I'm sure I will greatly enjoy once I am there, but I will HATE myself getting up tomorrow so I will try to limit the hate by going to bed before midnight... preferrably before 11... of course knowing my luck I'll get to bed by ten and won't be able to fall asleep until 1am... knock on wood.)

Now all I have to do is get off the internet and get to it! Much easier said than done... maybe I should go get some lunch first... though that would throw everything off schedule because that would require going over to my in-laws to get food and I really only want to drive my car once more today so I would have to go shopping and get gas BEFORE I cleaned out my car and I really wanted it to be clean before I went... I guess I could clean my car out first, but I also want to get laundry done and my housemate prefers I be home while the laundry is going in case the dryer catches fire or something and the house burns down... AHHHHHH!!!!

Did you know that...

You can donate your eggs? Apparently, it's just like the girl version of donating your eggs. Facebook just put an advertisement on my page for one such donation place. Now, I knew there were sperm donors. I knew that you could be a surrogate, carrying someone else's child for them (baby mama would be a good example of this... funny movie by the way). I knew you could get your own eggs harvested and saved for later (or to do IVF), so I guess it makes sense that you could donate your eggs too. And I have to admit, the principle behind it is a really good one. If you're healthy and young and there is a couple out there who desperately wants a baby and can't have one of their own, why not donate your eggs? They could see who you are, and pick out exactly the kind of genes they want their baby to have. And if the fertilized egg takes (from I assume either the sperm of the male spouse or a donor from a sperm bank), then there you have it, a beautiful baby where the adoptive mother gets to experience what it's like to be pregnant and go through that whole process. She'll really feel like that baby's mother because she carried it for nine months and gave birth to it an everything. It sounds like a good idea, a kind and caring thing to do for someone. (Plus, as with sperm donation you get paid. Apparently the FDA recommends no more than $10,000).

But it's not for me. And here is why... I don't care that that woman carried my baby around for nine months. I don't care that she went through labor, or that she may (or may not have) paid thousands of dollars for he/she. The baby is still my child. That is still my son or daughter, the same way it would be if they had gone through an adoption agency. And the thought of a child of mine running around that I had never met, that some other woman had carried and given birth to, is unbearable. I have loved every single one of my eggs since I knew that I had them (and probably before that when I was old enough to know that one day I could have babies). You may think that's weird, but a couple of those eggs are going to get fertilized one day and grow into fetuses which will then become babies. So I will honestly be able to tell my children some day that I have loved them my whole life, and that I waited for 20 odd years for them to arrive. Giving away my eggs, even to a well deserving couple, feeling like I didn't really care about them after all. Like I'm saying, "Well, I wasn't using them anyway, might as well give them to someone who appreciates them." No, I love my non-existent children, and I want to be able to tell them that when they become actual people. I couldn't do that if I gave them away as eggs... never knowing what became of them... but knowing that one or more of them might be out there, wondering about me, wondering if I loved him or her, and I'd never be able to tell them that I did. That I loved them. Call me selfish, but the only one fertilizing my eggs is going to be my husband, and the only one carrying my kids is going to be me (unless for some reason I'm incapable of that, and then a surrogate might have to help me there), and I'm going to be able to tell each and every one of them how much I love them every day of their lives until they are so sick of it they're like "Mom, shut up, we know already!"

I think my internet is haunted....

I have the world's strangest wifi... Since it's been up and running (approximately august), it's stopped working at least four or five times. When the repair man comes, he says everything is working perfectly and he doesn't know why it's not working. But when my housemates son-in-law comes, he always fixes it. Usually what it means is that all my crops on Farmville die, and my fiance and I talk via phone instead of via skype. (I love skype by the way. Best thing I ever downloaded.)

Anywho, the last couple of days the internet has been acting stranger than usual. The signal cuts out randomly, and then will come back. Then it will do this five or ten times more. Then it won't do it for hours. And even weirder, right now, the internet won't load Facebook. It'll say loading, but it won't actually load it. It loads all the other websites I normally go to, but not Facebook. Oh and on Hulu, it'll load the website but when I go to watch an episode it says, unable to play video. I am very confused. All of this worked a couple of hours ago before I started cleaning my room. Now it's not working. And I have to wonder, internet why do you hate me? Why are you fritzy and bipolar and slightly psychotic? Why can't you just be nice and work properly? I really can't afford it if you decide to go off the deep end and I have to start replacing boxes. But seeing as the internet doesn't have ears, this will probably not happen. So I guess I'll just give Facebook another try and hope it works this time.

Living....

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

But to be honest, I'm going to be even more thankful and, frankly, overjoyed when I get my own place. Nine months and counting. I'm tired of feeling like a guest in the place that I live... I've felt that way for over 12 months now. I'm ready to have my own place, my own space, even if it's a tiny apartment, or a junky looking cabin. If it has a roof, good insulation to keep heating bills down, and a bedroom, living room, and kitchen... or even a kitchen/living room... that's all I need. I want my own place, with my own stuff, where I can lounge and spread out all I want to. Where I can keep things the way I like them, and have all the friends over that I want, whenever I want. I've been thankful for the last couple of homes God has provided for me. I've had a place to rest me head, and food in my belly. I haven't had to buy furniture... but I'm really looking forward to next year. To just me and my husband. Together, in our own space, inventing our own rules, with our (probably) junky furniture, and our own (probably) messy space. That'll be nice... that'll be really really nice. Until then...

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

I will be thankful for a roof over my head.

Pumpkins Pumpkins Pumpkins!!!

The Holiday season is officially on us, and somewhere between the discount Halloween candy and the Christmas decorations is a much discounted seasonal perk. See, I'm usually a "lets just move straight onto Christmas" person the minute the costumes are put away and the stomach ache begins to subside. However, there is something about the month of November aka Thanksgiving season which makes it worth sticking out. And that is Pumpkin. Now I don't mean carved pumpkins with candles in them, or even pretty whole pumpkins that you set out on your porch to give a half-hearted attempt at spreading Thanksgiving cheer (whatever the heck that is.) I mean, pumpkin flavored FOODS: pumpkin breads, pumpkin cookies (with chocolate chips), pumpkin pie, pumpkin muffins, the always appropriate pumpkin pie, pumpkin pancakes, even pumpkin seeds. So when my future sister-in-law came over with a recipe for pumpkin cinnamon buns she stole from a magazine at the mechanics, I was pretty excited. Since we're driving to Anchorage on Saturday for girl's shopping day, we decided that we would make them Friday night and then eat them for breakfast on the way up. Needless to say I am very excited about tomorrow, about our first attempt at baking pumpkin buns, and about eating them on the way to ANCHORAGE!!!!!!!! I'll let you know how they turn out. I may even post the recipe if they turn out to be fantastically amazing. Here's to the holiday season and the sweet pumpkiney goodness it brings. Next stop... CHRISTMAS!!!

Where I am...

I've been avoiding God lately for about the dumbest reason ever. I've been avoiding God because I was avoiding God and I feel guilty about it. When I was moving up here from Missouri, I got caught up in the excitement of moving. So I put things like personal devotions, church, fellowship, etc. to the side. Then I got up here, and I was so caught up in doing things for CEF, working at my part time job, and spending time with my boyfriend (now fiance) that sleep became more important to me than spending time doing devotions and going to church. So I put God on the back burner. My heart has hardened... I need it to change. To come back to him. Maybe it's time I took things back to the drawing board. Just picked up where I left off and learn to ask for forgiveness where I need it most, in my own hypocritical heart. Because a part of me is scared... scared of my earthly desires, which get in the way of my relationship with God. He should come first, and he hasn't. And it's my fault. And I need to fix it. I need to take steps. Step one, go to church on a regular basis. Step two, spend daily prayer/bible reading time with God. Step three, don't sacrifice my morals and values to win over a friend to my side. Be a good friend, but stand firm in what I believe in. I need to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and strength... and I haven't been... I've been in a hole... things need to change...

Current Wedding Thoughts...

My wedding is still nine months or so away. Still three quarters of the way to go. And two things are becoming more and more apparent.

One: Other people's weddings make me feel sappy and ridiculous. I had a chrysalis friend get married a week ago or so, and looking at her pictures makes me so ridiculously happy. Thinking about other people possibly getting engaged (or those that are already engaged getting married), makes me smile and get all giggly inside. Looking at old wedding pictures from people who have been married for a while makes me happy. Especially if you can tell that the couple is as happily married now as they were the day they said I Do (if not more happy).

Two: I want to be MARRIED!!! I really don't even care about the details. They mean less and less as time goes on. I just want to walk down the isle toward him, say our vows together and begin our life. I don't care about reception favors. I don't care about cake. I don't care about linens. I am starting to really not care about a veil. I have my dress. I have my shoes. I have my bouquet figured out. I have my hair figured out. Who cares about all the other details? People can show up or not (and I would very much like them to share my day with me), but in the end it's about me and him. I want to see his smiling face and know that I am his wife.

Alaskan

Well, I went to the DMV today and gave them my very first license, and a few ID documents, a written test, and a $20 check later, they handed me my very first ALASKAN license. So there it is, I'm officially an Alaskan resident. I even registered to vote! (Because I think participating in government is a very important part of being an American Citizen, and if you haven't registered to vote, you should). And while I was doing this, all I could think about was next summer, when I get married and then have to change me last name. Well I guess I don't have to. I could keep my maiden name, but I don't really want to. I want to adopt my husbands last name. It's just a ridiculously complicated and expensive process to do that. It's no wonder that widowed and divorced people don't bother to go back to their maiden names. It may not seem like a big deal, but think of all the things you have to change: Your license, your passport, your social security job, any professional license that you may have, your bank card, any credit cards you have, even silly things like your library card and your blockbuster card (of course those don't cost anything, but you still have to remember to tell the people that you have a new last name, and a new address and whatnot.) I'm looking forward to getting married, to being a Mrs. Somebody, but good lord I'm not looking forward to this.

Psalm 138 ESV

I give thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart;
before the gods I sing your praise;
I bow down toward your Holy Temple
and give thanks to your name for your
steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
On the day I called, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.
All the kings of the earth shall give you thanks, O Lord,
for they have heard the words of your mouth,
and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord,
for great is the glory of the Lord.
For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly,
but the haughty he knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the
wrath of my enemies,
and your right hand delivers me.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands.



I got a job, doing what I wanted to do. I prayed (and many others did too), and God provided, so I'm giving credit to where it's due, and looking forward to the opportunities he has provided me with.

Crabby... and other junk

There are two people... lets call them Person A and Person B. For no particular reason, Person A has been on my nerves the last couple of days. It's not anything she did. It's me. Little things have been irritating me. Particular habits she has, the way her voice sounds, things that don't normally irritate me. Because she's a nice person, and I like her. She bakes good muffins. And has many other admirable qualities too. Mostly I'm irritated at her cause I'm a wee bit hormonal, and therefore crabby in general. Then there is Person B. She too is a lovable person 95% of the time. She's cute, and smiley, and pretty funny when she doesn't mean to be, and pretty funny when she does mean to be, just not for the reasons she wants to be. She's a little bit strange, but it only makes you love her more, except for today. (And I blame this one only 78% on my irrational crabbiness.) Today she was being a little imp! And I know she loves me and doesn't mean it, and she doesn't really realize how much of a little imp she's being. I want to say really mean things to her. I want to make her cry. I want to be like the mean bully on the playground who steals all the favorite toys from all the little children, and then shoves them off the swings for good measure. I'm feeling down right childish! I'm incredibly pissed off! My level of emotion is completely out of proportion with the situation. I'm being irrational. I want to kick puppies and break car windows, and leave flaming poo on people's doorsteps. I want to take a sharpie to the Mona Lisa and draw an impressive handlebar mustache on her face.... and perhaps a top hat. And then for good measure, I might go over to Michael Moore's house and TP and Egg it, cause he deserves it. And of course tomorrow I'll feel better, and all of this will be gone... and maybe I'll get even luckier and I'll magically wake up and my hormones will be gone too. I hate being an irrational stupid hormonal girl. I want to be a rational adult again.

My wedding dress

Here is a tiny glimpse of the train on my wedding dress... behind it you get a tiny glimpse of where the river meets the inlet... the reason you are only seeing this much of my dress, is because my fiance might read this, and see this picture, and I don't want him seeing the dress. But if he saw this, it would only be a super cool way to torture him. Sorry babe, got to wait until August.

The reason I had these pictures taken of me in my wedding dress, almost ten months before I get married, was because I had no idea what kind of veil would go with my dress. There were so many options that I just didn't know where to begin! I know how I want to wear my hair, in a loose up do... and I know that I don't want my veil to overwhelm my dress. So no three tiered poofy blusher veils. But other than that, oh my goodness the options are limitless. (Though I think birdcage veils are out). No super long veils, or super short ones. I thought for a while that I wanted a mantilla veil, but I think that's out too now... Mostly this matters because I want to be beautiful when I walk down that aisle. I don't just want to take Ben's breath away (though that certainly will happen), I want everyone there to heave a collective sigh as I walk down the aisle, like they've never seen anything so beautiful in their lives. Maybe that's too much to ask. Maybe that's even selfish of me. I don't know. I just know that I felt that way about the brides at the weddings I've been to, and I want other people to feel the same way about me. Call me crazy, but I want that, and finding the right veil is the first step to seeing that happen.

What you've missed.... if you even exist... which you don't

Since I last wrote my life has changed in the following ways...

1. moved to Alaska
2. had an amazing summer full of working my butt off, hiking, swimming in lakes, and having late night bonfires on the beach
3. bought my first car, that I actually own all by myself, and started paying insurance on it
4. got engaged (YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!)
5. took a CNA course at the local CC, took the state licsenseing test, and passed

Currently, I am planning a wedding (which is still ten months away, sniff) and looking for a job. So expect a lot of wedding/job posts. Also lots of post where I complain about missing Ben, cause he's nine hours away at school. And perhaps even posts about farmville on facebook, becasue for example, I forgot that I planted raspberries last night, and so wasted a whole lot of fake farmville money cause I forgot to harvest them on time. Woe is me!

huh

Well here I am back in California. And I'm doing stuff. I'm having trouble focusing. I have managed to be productive today. Got my taxes done... closed out one bank account to open another... and well that doesn't sound like a lot when I write it out... but really it's quite an accomplishment for me. The days before that I did absolutely nothing. Tomorrow... I will accomplish even more... before long I will be an accomplishment machine... and my list will dwindle and God will provide the money I need... I also need to spend more time with God. That should be the priority on my list.... hmmm... I wonder what tomorrow will be...

3:10 to Yuma and Mountain Dew Dumplings

So it has been the long standing tradition in my family to watch westerns. My mother, my brother, my father, my grandparent, all like them. My mother, especially. She absolutely loves them, and buys them all the time. She owns a million of them I think. The problem is... I don't like them. I avoid them like a plague. I really really really really don't like them. So how is it then, that I find myself  at Dave's house watching 3:10 to Yuma? I really don't know to be honest. I blame the boys. They have all seen it before and are madly in love with it. And because there is more of them then there is of me, we're watching it. So far it isn't horrible. So far, it's a fairly decent western. Of course it's still a western. I'd put it up there with Open Range. Which was a western that I almost enjoyed. 

Oh and Josh made Mountain Dew Apple Dumplings. They were pretty delicious. I have to admit that I was skeptical. But I shouldn't have been. They were yummy. It was a good dessert idea. Simple, easy, and very yummy. 

Why naps are a bad idea...

So.... I really like sleep... like a lot... it's my second favorite thing to do. And I have been in the habit of taking naps after work. But yesterday I couldn't take a nap after work because I had Good News Club... then after GNC it was dinner time, so I went and ate dinner.

Then after dinner, I decided to go to my room and catch up on my bible reading, (cause I was a few days behind). I got one full day done, and fell asleep. I then woke up at 7:30... did some more bible reading... fell asleep... woke up at 10:30... finished my bible reading... got ready for bed... got into bed... AND WAS WIDE AWAKE!!! So I lay in bed until 1... and then I think I fell asleep... for two hours... before a dream woke me up... then I went back to sleep for two hours... before a dream woke me up... before I went back to sleep for two hours... and then had to get up for work.

 I am also no longer drinking coffee... so I spent the morning in a daze. Tripped over my feet twice (probably not a good day to wear heels, but oh well). I sort of resurfaced for lunch... but then an hour later was back to being exhausted. Come to think of it... I pretty much have been half asleep the whole day. SO... no more naps!!! I just put up with being tired all day so that I can actually SLEEP tonight... so that I can actually be semi-awake tomorrow.

Support Raising... and why it makes my bum hurt

Chances are that if people receive a piece of mail with a corporate return address stamped on the envelope, they throw it out. They don't know what it is, and they don't want to know. This makes it very hard for me to mail out my newsletters and support raising stuff with CEF(C)  envelopes, because I risk people throwing them out without ever reading them. So I went and bought my own business envelopes and have been hand addressing them all... and that turns out to be a lot of envelopes.  I also need to get my newsletters out as soon as possible, because it's wave one of support raising... so I took one day and did it all hardcore so that I could mail them all out on monday. That means that I spent a ton of time sitting down yesterday, and as a result sitting down today is not very easy. I keep wanting to get up and do something because my bum keeps complaining about how sore it is. But hand addressed envelopes do better, end of story. And the fundraising isn't over yet, so it'll just have to put up with more sitting. Maybe this beautiful spring like weather will last and I'll be able to go outside more often. That would be beyond awesome, but who knows. I guess we'll find out.

Home Again Home Again Jiggety Jig

Well I'm once again at home. And after my exciting holidays, for the most part being home is a good thing. So in celebration of being home, here are some things I missed about being at home.... and some things I  didn't miss.

I missed...

- having all my clothes in dresser drawers... instead of suitcases

- sleeping in my own bed

- having my own bathroom

- hanging out with my friends and doing retarded things with them

- having a regular schedule

- late night runs to Walmart

I didn't miss...

- having to walk across the street to get internet access

- going to bed early and waking up early to be at work on time

- fussy people who live in my building

- psychotic missouri weather and how it messes with you

- fake chinese food night in the cafeteria

- late night runs to Walmart

Overall, I'm glad to be home, though I really miss Ben, and Alaska. I think it will be really good finishing my time up here in Missouri, and will give me some time to grow. Also, it will give me some time to raise my support. Hopefully, I won't be short on budget when I leave in May. Ahh well, that is a worry for tomorrow. No literally, tomorrow I need to talk to some people and find out about it so that I can start raising support like yesterday.

The Reality of Love

Don't be fooled into believing that love is a nice feeling, or a sexual attraction, or some bizarre combination of the above. It's not something that satisfies you, or seeks to make you happy. It's not easy, it's not always fun, and it takes more strength than you can imagine to truly love someone. 

Today was not a fun day. It was a day of harsh realities, long serious talks, strained emotions, and the kind of cliffhanger moments no one should have to experience. A long story short... I basically held my boyfriends hand while he decided whether or not he actually loved me. I cannot describe to you the agony of something like that, so unless you have experienced what I'm talking about you cannot imagine what that does to your heart. I started crying something close to ten times. And even though it killed me, I let him go. I told him that I didn't want to pressure him. That I loved him, but I wanted him to do what was right for him, and that if it meant not being with me then that was ok. That may have been the hardest thing I have ever said in my life. But I meant every word of it. I love him, and loving someone often means letting them go. 

Then the most miraculous thing happened. After 45 minutes of hashing through his confused emotions, he looked at me, and said, "I don't think I ever gave myself to you. I don't think I ever loved you before. I don't think I knew what love was. But after today, I have a better picture of what it means to truly love someone. I love you Bethany." Which of course sent me into another round of horrible gasping sobs. HE LOVES ME!!! HE CHOOSES TO LOVE ME!!! HE CHOSE ME!!! And now comes a new phase in our relationship. We are going to focus on getting to know each other better. So new rules...

1. No talking about the future... focus on the now

2. Physical touch limited to hand holding and quick hugs (oh and we can sit next to each other but he can't put his arm around me)

3. In effect immediately tomorrow, no talking for a week, so that we can take a week to focus on God (I have a feeling that we may do this periodically.)

4. When we start talking again, we are going to work out a schedule for talking so that we are not talking everyday

5. Discuss what we read in our bibles at devotion time whenever we do talk, so that we don't forget who the focus of our lives should be (God in case you couldn't guess)

And I think thats everything. We are setting up some accountability partners who will help us keep on track, and I'm going to seek out biblical counseling for some issues that I need to work through in my own life. Yes, today was hard, but it has been a turning point in our relationship, and I am so thankful for it. Praise God and to HIM be the Glory!

P.s. We got a song... check it out here... 

Tomorrow Never Dies... but maybe today it should.

How can I describe the last two and a half weeks of my life? Ok... imagine that you are madly in love with a person that you have not seen in five months. You've been living your relationship out on skype, through email, and telephone calls. It's wonderful being able to talk, and you grow so much that way, but still you crave something more. Then, for two glorious weeks you spend every waking minute together. You see each other at your best, and at your worst. You get irritated with each other, and look after each other. You pick up where the other leaves off. You're one unit, together, content. So happy that people thousands of miles away notice the change in a photograph. Then the two weeks come to an end. What seemed like an eternity was only the blink of an eye. Once again you will be limited to phone conversations, and skype dates. Tomorrow is the last full day I will be in Alaska. On tuesday I'm headed back to reality. I don't want to go back to reality. I don't want to leave Alaska. I don't want to leave Ben. 

Yes, I know that this is not the end of the world. In a month and a half, he and I will be seeing each other again. We can do a month and a half. After all, we made it through five. Then after that (Lord Willing), I get to move to Alaska (though for how long I don't know) and we can live in the same town together for a summer. I know that time will pass quickly. That God will help me through this. But I don't want to leave. I don't want tomorrow to end, and another one to come and take it's place. If it wasn't completely financially impossible, I would suggest to him that we just get married right now. Ok, I'm overreacting. I know I'll be ok. I know we'll be ok. And that our relationship will be stronger because of this. But it's hard to let go of the feelings of happiness and contentment. I've been living in a dream and soon the dream must come to an end. I wish it wouldn't.

why season passes make all the difference...

If I went more than once or three times a season I wouldn't hurt so bad right now... tomorrow is going to be miserable. Next year, where ever I am, I'm buying a season pass and I'm going to the mountain (which ever mountain it is) and snowboarding as many saturdays as I possibly can... which if it's Alaska could add up rather well. SO HA ACHEY WHINEY BODY TAKE THAT!!!

Minor Miracles and How they rock

So technically I posted LAST NIGHT and not this morning, cause my computer is on Missouri time but I'm in Alaska.... so this is not a double post in one day. It's two posts on two different days. Just to clarify...

Now people will ask me... Bethany, why do you believe in God? What proof do you have? Now I don't claim to be an apologetics expert... in fact I'm nothing of the sort. (Though I have read books on apologetics.) I'm also of the firm belief that you can't argue people into believing in God. You can only tell them what you believe and trust God to do the work. But in my own life, there are things which, to me, seem to speak volumes about God's presence in my life. You may of course chalk them up to be coincidence, or sheer luck, but as I believe in neither of those things, good luck convincing me it's not God. (Or if you want to look at it from a certain Alex's point of view... you can chalk it up to the Flying Spaghetti Monster... Though I don't really recommend doing that.)

I call these things that happen to me Minor Miracles, and I keep a book full of them to remind myself that God will take care of me even when I'm feeling down. Some of these minor miracles include my supporting church sending me more money then I needed to pay my bills so that I could purchase a plane ticket to see my boyfriend in Alaska... or my aunt and uncle sending me a $600 check to cover the cost of books and school... or something trivial like this morning.... See last night, Kathy, the lady I'm staying with, told me that she had left over sugary cereal from when her grandkids were visiting, and that she needed my help in eating it. I thought to myself... Gee I hope it's Lucky Charms, and sure enough, this morning she pulls out Lucky Charms. 

Now I know that Lucky Charms doesn't sound very heavenly, but to me, it's a minor miracle and I will continue to believe that sometimes God does little things like that just to show he cares.

10 things I love about Alaska... in no particular order

1. The trees are flocked by nature... 100% snow covered

2. The moose wander right into the middle of town, where you can take pictures of them, if you want to look touristy

3. The scenery is breath-taking... and so is the subzero temperatures

4. Everyone is down to earth and welcoming... and they also all know your name, which is pretty surprising because you were under the impression that your boyfriend didn't talk about you all that much, though it's nice to know that he does

5.  People live in actual log cabins... which coincidentally will be an addition to everyone's christmas list next year

6. Both Caribou and Moose are on the menu and you can receive your own moose meat free of charge the next time someone runs one over if you are signed up on the Road Kill list... and no, I'm not making that up.

7. You can see Russia from your house... actually that's not true... also, no one knows Sarah personally, but people do go to Wasilla rather frequently for bizarre reasons, like Wasilla's Rock Fest

8. People leave their cars running in the parking lot, with no one in it, and the keys in the ignition... and they DON'T get stolen... of course if they didn't leave them running, their cars probably wouldn't start, stupid subzero temperatures

9. Daylight only lasts for six hours which turns out is not very depressing after all... it just makes you a little sleepy...

10. Everyone has a "I survived an encounter with a grizzly bear" story, and they are very entertaining... you would sit and listen too...

Beyond that... I'm pretty sure I've fallen in love with the last frontier... I think I'll move here... oh wait! I am! This Summer!!! Yay me!!! Oh and did I mention that being in the same air space as my boyfriend is without a doubt one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me? It's amazing what a long distance relationship will make you appreciate. For example, we just went on our second date... after five months of dating. And the first one was less than a week ago. Weird.