The Reality of Love

Don't be fooled into believing that love is a nice feeling, or a sexual attraction, or some bizarre combination of the above. It's not something that satisfies you, or seeks to make you happy. It's not easy, it's not always fun, and it takes more strength than you can imagine to truly love someone. 

Today was not a fun day. It was a day of harsh realities, long serious talks, strained emotions, and the kind of cliffhanger moments no one should have to experience. A long story short... I basically held my boyfriends hand while he decided whether or not he actually loved me. I cannot describe to you the agony of something like that, so unless you have experienced what I'm talking about you cannot imagine what that does to your heart. I started crying something close to ten times. And even though it killed me, I let him go. I told him that I didn't want to pressure him. That I loved him, but I wanted him to do what was right for him, and that if it meant not being with me then that was ok. That may have been the hardest thing I have ever said in my life. But I meant every word of it. I love him, and loving someone often means letting them go. 

Then the most miraculous thing happened. After 45 minutes of hashing through his confused emotions, he looked at me, and said, "I don't think I ever gave myself to you. I don't think I ever loved you before. I don't think I knew what love was. But after today, I have a better picture of what it means to truly love someone. I love you Bethany." Which of course sent me into another round of horrible gasping sobs. HE LOVES ME!!! HE CHOOSES TO LOVE ME!!! HE CHOSE ME!!! And now comes a new phase in our relationship. We are going to focus on getting to know each other better. So new rules...

1. No talking about the future... focus on the now

2. Physical touch limited to hand holding and quick hugs (oh and we can sit next to each other but he can't put his arm around me)

3. In effect immediately tomorrow, no talking for a week, so that we can take a week to focus on God (I have a feeling that we may do this periodically.)

4. When we start talking again, we are going to work out a schedule for talking so that we are not talking everyday

5. Discuss what we read in our bibles at devotion time whenever we do talk, so that we don't forget who the focus of our lives should be (God in case you couldn't guess)

And I think thats everything. We are setting up some accountability partners who will help us keep on track, and I'm going to seek out biblical counseling for some issues that I need to work through in my own life. Yes, today was hard, but it has been a turning point in our relationship, and I am so thankful for it. Praise God and to HIM be the Glory!

P.s. We got a song... check it out here...