Where I am...

I've been avoiding God lately for about the dumbest reason ever. I've been avoiding God because I was avoiding God and I feel guilty about it. When I was moving up here from Missouri, I got caught up in the excitement of moving. So I put things like personal devotions, church, fellowship, etc. to the side. Then I got up here, and I was so caught up in doing things for CEF, working at my part time job, and spending time with my boyfriend (now fiance) that sleep became more important to me than spending time doing devotions and going to church. So I put God on the back burner. My heart has hardened... I need it to change. To come back to him. Maybe it's time I took things back to the drawing board. Just picked up where I left off and learn to ask for forgiveness where I need it most, in my own hypocritical heart. Because a part of me is scared... scared of my earthly desires, which get in the way of my relationship with God. He should come first, and he hasn't. And it's my fault. And I need to fix it. I need to take steps. Step one, go to church on a regular basis. Step two, spend daily prayer/bible reading time with God. Step three, don't sacrifice my morals and values to win over a friend to my side. Be a good friend, but stand firm in what I believe in. I need to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and strength... and I haven't been... I've been in a hole... things need to change...